I’m curious about you.

March 25, 2010 at 6:22 pm 18 comments

The only other babywearing mama in my town (aside from my wife, of course!) came over today with her lovely baby girl. She brought along some slings for me to try – an Ocah, a Girasol shortie, and a DELICIOUS petrol fishie from Didymos. Unfortunately I was a bit sore so didn’t do too much babywearing at all, though did have Coconut up on my backΒ  while I toted her into the kitchen and then nursery.

Let’s just say I hope said mama gets sick of the fishie because I lust for it. (Yes, Sarah, I am talking to you. Are you reading? Ha.)

I really do like being around other mamas who are into slinging their babies – and everything that may or may not come with it.

We’re talking cosleeping, cloth diapering, breastfeeding, baby led weaning, natural parenting, attachment parenting, etc etc.Β  I certainly don’t tick all those boxes, but I tick some of them.

What about you? I’m curious about all the people who find their way to this blog. What’s your opinion on amber teething necklaces? On how to wean your baby? What sort of diapers/nappies do you use?

What boxes do YOU tick?

I ask because people always surprise me. Someone I went to school with responded to my facebook status today, in which I mentioned that we were inadvertently becoming cosleepers (albeit not all in the same bed – we don’t fit) as the babies were going through a weird waking in the night sort of thing. She came out of the cosleeping closet and said she’d been doing it three years!

So many of our choices as parents feel right to us, yet can be frowned upon by other people. I wonder why that is. For me, my priorities aren’t to have my babies walking or talking before anyone else. I’m not really into the whole competition scene that so many people get dragged into – though I won’t lie. I sometimes wonder, ‘Why aren’t they sitting yet? When will they get teeth? Oh my god, is Coconut saying “mama” on purpose?!?!’

I care more about raising my twins to be imaginative, secure, and emotionally intelligent kids. I care more about nurturing their self-esteem than my own – which is why I love them exactly as they are, whether they walk at ten, twelve, or fifteen months. I don’t need to show off their mad rolling skillz, because honestly? Who cares??

Other mothers don’t want to hear me talk about how I am clearly raising two super geniuses, and does it do anyone any good? I want Snort & Coconut to always, always feel loved – at their very cores, not just because of things they accomplish.

So tell me. What are your priorities? What sort of parent are you? What choices are you making for yourself, your children, your family?


Entry filed under: life, twins. Tags: , , , , , .

Wiggleproof & FCC – two babies in one wrap! What my babies do when they’re not being slung:

18 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Rengae  |  March 25, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    As I am not a parent yet, but married and definitely want to have kids someday in the future, I have thought about a few of these things πŸ˜›
    I definitely want to wear my baby, FWCC, as much as possible! I’m still trying to work out a couple of those details in my head, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
    I honestly don’t think I’ll be cloth-diapering… yeah, no. There are some things that modern technology has helped moms with and modern diapers is one of those things.
    I will be breastfeeding, unless something comes where I physically cannot — like I can’t produce milk or something, then I’ll do formula as a last and reluctant option.
    I think I would definitely like to try baby-led weaning! I’m not sure how I would go about doing that, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out somehow…

    What are the amber necklaces? Is it a UK thing?

    • 2. Marie  |  March 25, 2010 at 7:09 pm

      Hi Rengae,

      There are many wonderful option of cloth diapers, I started with disposable but regret it. I knew I was going to use cloth but she didn’t fit them right away, I had them in my house and what not but ended up selling them and going with different styles.

      You can always get the paper liners to go into the cloth diapers. It is worth looking into, doesn’t take much time. Think of all those extra diapers in the landfill and your future children, grandchildren etc. There are also G Diapers, which are disposable, but you can compost them even. Our Earth is being depleted of phosphorus so this is a great option, more expensive but worth it.

      Amber necklaces are meant to help with teething, are a natural analgesic, brings harmony to our body, very interesting you should look into them πŸ™‚ So beneficial to everyone.

      As you said tho you will figure it out with time. Cloth diapering has really evolved tho, doesn’t have to be the white flat diapers and rubber pants of the past. Kinda fun, cute and interesting now πŸ™‚

  • 3. Marie  |  March 25, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    My daughter and I had it a bit rocky in the beginning as she was born via C Section (tried to go natural even tho she was breech). We did stick to breastfeeding (felt like giving up! has over supply and difficulties) and now I am considering delaying solids until she AT LEAST shows all signs of readiness. Unfortunetly my husband and I rarely share the same bed these days but this is such a short period of time and I love sharing a bed with my daughter, I am slowly and gently introducing her to her crib. She takes naps in her crib, and will sleep about 1/3 of the night until she wakes for a feeding and then we quickly fall asleep together again; wake up in eachothers arms.

    We have an amber teething necklace and a hazelwood necklace for reflux. Not sure if they work, but what is the harm? Maybe she needs to wear them more?

    I much prefer to wear my daughter too, but there are times, for example long walks, where I will use our stroller. She likes both. I made sure to have her facing me in the stroller (but just got a new one which faces out, I am sad, but she is all smiles).

    Anyway, I am trying to raise her to feel comfortable with herself, to be aware of her rights, the environment, other beings. The impact our choices have on others and the environment, thinking before taking certain actions. I am also teaching myself at the same time and trying not to be a hypocrite. Easier said than done a lot of times, yes.

    Recently we have switched to a mostly vegetarian diet (have to finish what we purchased first, not going to throw away good food) partly because I don’t love meet, to help the environment, smaller footprint, and it just breaks my heart to eat animals. I have told my daughter (5.5 months) that if she wants to eat meat, tell us, we can talk about it, but it will be free range and organic, and not everyday.

    Anyway, I could go on. but I am sure you get the jist. I am not into the competition, I am into making a happy healthy daughter, trying to help others and bring awareness into “attachment parenting” and “greener living” the way it was meant to be. Less plastic, less toys, more imagination.

  • 4. Natasha  |  March 25, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    Ummm… gosh there’s a lot to respond to there.

    I breastfed my first daughter from birth through one year, 12 months… TTC, the begining of my pregnancy, right up until she was 16 months old and she stopped asking for it. I chose this because I honestly believe breast is best in every way.

    I co-slept with her through choice for the first year. I wanted her close. It felt unnatural to put her in a cot and I think we both felt more secure with her between myself and my husband – not to mention it made night feeds a hell of a lot easier! Peopele always say, “Ohhh you’ll never get her out of your bed!” but what a ridicules statement is that? How many 15 year olds do you know who still share a bed with their mum? The truth is, it’s NOT forever. It is a very short time, and I’m in no rush to speed it up.

    Never heard of teething necklases so never used them.

    I used reusable nappies with her for 7 months and then changed to the eco-friendly biodegradable ones for the expense and time of washing the cloth. Yeah, I’m lazy. I think it was good that she was in cloth for the time that she was, though because she chose not to use nappies anymore at the early age of 14 months – went on the loo once and hasn’t looked back – she’s been in normal knickers ever sinse.

    I wore her in a close carrier a LOT when she was much younger. I never put her down. That’s no exaggeration. She had tummy time and interractive play but I was always there, and when she was done playing she’d be cuddled or put back in the close baby carrier. It felt unatural to be apart from her.

    I absolutely agree with what you said about raising babies to be, “imaginative, secure, and emotionally intelligent”. People always seemed to want to pressure me to make Anna more independent, but why the heck should a baby be independent? And if they should, isn’t it best that they learn that independence themselves and CHOOSE it rather than feeling they come straight out of the womb into adulthood?! I know that is a bit of a far-fetched statement but you get what I am saying. I truly believe a child who is forced into independence will feel abandoned and insecure whereas a chld who has had all of their emotional and security needs met will be more confident and likely to make the choice to stand on their own two legs if that makes sense? They’ll be just as independent at the end but they’ll be more confident and happy about it! Why is there such a rush for our kids to grow up? They are only babies for such a short while… I wish it lasted longer! My babies won’t need me forever, they won’t always run to me when they have a scraped knee and when they are upset they won’t always turn to me and show me all of their emotion on their face and feel better with a cuddle and a kiss!

    I’m not quite sure what is meant by natural parenting and attachment parenting.

    I did use baby led weaning with Anna. She wasn’t that interested in solids at first. She didn’t really have anything except my milk for the first 12 months, although I did keep offering it to her. She just was not interested, and that was fine πŸ™‚ After about 13 months she suddenly took an interest. I remember her getting really excited about brocolli LOL She loved the stuff! She went from hardly eating anything to wanting to put everything we would give her in her mouth and taste it… By 15 months she was having breakfast, lunch and dinner and eating anything you offered her. I look forward to baby led weaning with my twins πŸ™‚

    I have done things differently with the twins as it hasn’t been practical or possible to do things exactly as I did with Anna, although I would have liked to. I do babywear with the twins but I have used a moses basket and bouncy chairs with them as well. I literally never did this with Anna. The reason being that I don’t have the time to be with them 24/7. I have a 2 year old whose needs are just as important, so I have to prioritise my time and spend some time devoting all of my attention to my older daughter. I do still spend a lot more time wearing / holding them than they spend on their own, though. I have struggled to breastfeed them but we are exclusively breastfeeding. I plan to do the baby led weaning and let them decide when they have had enough of being breastfed. Anna stopped asking at 16 months, but if the twins want to stop before then, or want to go on until 2 or 3 years, that will be fine, too πŸ™‚ I have not co-slept with the twins as there is no room in our bed! I wish I could, I reall do, but they do have each other. I don’t put them in seperate cots so they do always have the security of having SOMEONE to cuddle at night. I have not done the cloth nappy thing with the twins. I have so little time and so much laundry as it is, and I want to devote every spare second to my children. I wonder if they will potty train later than Anna did? ….

    I think that answered all of the questions that you asked πŸ™‚ You’re so lucky having another babywearer in your area! There are none around here 😦

  • 5. Henrysmum  |  March 25, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    What an interesting post! So much to talk about too.

    While I was pregnant with Henry the two most important things for me were Breastfeeding and Cloth Nappies. I am still very proud to say that Henry has never tasted formula and never touched a disposable nappy. I say it not to show off (although if I’m truthful there probably is a bit of that!) but because I feel they are achievements of mine that I have worked hard at. Especially the breastfeeding – it was not easy and we really struggled to get things established in the beginning. It was through sheer determination that we succeeded and eventually things settled down.

    Since Henry arrived I have learnt a lot more about attachment parenting methods and “happy hippy” parenting, some of which we have taken on board and others we have been indifferent about.

    Like most people we bought a Baby Bjorn carrier before Henry was born, only to discover the delights of wrap slings and ring slings through the breastfeeding support group once he was here. We used a Kari-Me stretchy wrap quite a bit in the first 7 months, but not as much as we could have. I look back at some situations where he was unsettled and wonder why we didn’t think to try the sling! I plan to use babywearing a great deal more with no. 2 – to the extent that I have decided not to get a double buggy and join the Phil & Teds fashion parade.

    We cosleep when we need to, but Henry has also always had his own basket or cot. He was over 11 months before we moved his cot into his own room though – but I think that was more for me than for him! We’ve got an Arms Reach Mini Cosleeper for no.2, partly so we can safely have Henry and the baby close by at the same time, without our bed feeling very small or Henry squishing baby.

    I have amber teething bracelets for Henry but am undecided as to whether they work. He did go through a phase of asking for it on though, so maybe he’s noticed their effect?

    BLW we took on 100%. It just made sense. I read Gill Rapley’s book and it seemed easier, more effective and so much more natural. I’m not the kind of person that does things by halves – if I believe in it, we go all out. So again, Henry never had any purees at all. In some ways BLW was a bit of an experiment for us – we believed it would work, but the results have been even more astonishing that we could have imagined.

    I guess I want to produce happy, healthy, confident and secure babies that know they are loved. I value these things by far over having a baby that sleeps through the night, or my bed to myself. I also believe that if your baby knows you will be there to kiss it better if they fall, to comfort them if they get scared or to be close to them if they need to feel safe then they are far more likely to have the confidence to find independence for themselves – safe in the knowledge that you won’t be far away if they need you.

    That, I suppose is what “Happy Hippy Mummy” means to me.

  • 6. Lea  |  March 25, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    Alright, the boxes that I tick would have to be: baby-wearing, cloth diapering, and breast feeding.

    I am a firm believer that every parent and every child is different and thus parenting styles should vary because of that. It drives me nuts when people say that only one way works or that if you don’t do it this certain way your kid will grow up to hate life, you and the universe. lol. As a parent I do the best I can for my little boy and it hurts my feelings when people or books try to tell me that for some reason my very best somehow isn’t good enough or worse that I am damaging my son because of it.

    Don’t get me wrong, I believe in being a life-long learner too. I am always improving on what I did yesterday and looking for things that I could make better today. Unless someone is beating their kids, I try not to judge. I don’t know them or what their life story is. Who am I to say how they should or shouldn’t do things. And in return, I hope they grant me the same when they disagree with the way I raise my son.

  • 7. Karen  |  March 25, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    Sammy has coslept to some extent since she was born. It’s difficult with a very light sleeper partner. She has often been relegated to the guest bed, and now that mattress is on Sammy’s room floor so I join her at some point during the night. Cosleeping has allowed me to get a lot more sleep and stay sane πŸ™‚

    I’ve worn her in a wrap, then a ring sling, and now a mei tai. Love it. Don’t know how anyone parents without them. She was hardly ever put down until she started wanting to get down and run around πŸ™‚

    breastfeeding, yes, of course. We’ve really had no problems. I pumped for her for a year while I was working full time. Now I stay home with her almost full time. Still going strong at 16 months; in fact she just had a tummy bug and has barely eaten solids for the past few days, but nursed like crazy so no worries. We’re working on nightweaning now, in preparation for full weaning near 2 so we can go ahead and ttc #2. Makes me sad she can’t decide on her own when to stop, but we’re going very slowly and gradually.

    We cloth diaper and I love it. With that and breastfeeding, we didn’t really have to buy anything for her on a regular basis for a long time. I hate disposable things. Seems so wasteful. And I’d rather buy something of quality now that will last than have to buy things over and over forever. Something about being able to get by on little money if we had to.

    We vaccinate cheerfully and gratefully, and if I’m being totally honest, the antivax movement within the crunchy circles I now frequent drive me a little batty. Herd immunity is important for the ones who really can’t be vaccinated. A lot of times they are the ones who can afford to get sick the least. I have a little more patience for “selective” or spread out vaxers.

    We eat organic milk and yogurt and some organic produce but haven’t gone completely organic. We don’t totally avoid plastic, either, although Sammy had bpa free bottles and then glass bottles at daycare. We like to buy local and grow our own herbs and some food and compost and things like that. We daydream about having an off the grid cabin πŸ™‚

    We’re extremely skeptical types when it comes to CAM like acupuncture, reiki, crystals, meditation, chakras, etc etc. We’re pretty firmly scientifically minded about that stuff :). I drank raspberry leaf tea and took EPO while pregnant, but generally I stay away from most supplements and herbal medicine like that.

    I have been anti-circ since forever but it took a little convincing to get my partner to see the light. Haven’t had a boy yet but he won’t be circumcised if we do.

  • 8. Karen  |  March 25, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    Oh and babyled weaning, too, though we do spoonfeeding as well – just making sure to follow her cues, and didn’t really spoonfeed much until much later in her solids experience πŸ™‚ she feeds herself with a spoon most of the time.

  • 9. Sarah  |  March 25, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    well, the fish are staying, as perfect length for me, and so soft already lol.

    When I had my first daughter, I pretty much did what HV etc told me. Didnt co-sleep initially, put her on formula when told to, but eventaully she ended up in my bed. She is currently there tonight, age 10, as she had a headache and wanted the comfort of my bed. Will have to shift her shortly as she is laying across the whole bed.

    Second daughter we sort of fell into cloth nappies. She was a big girl, and at the time, disposibles only went up to Junior size. by a year old she was outgrowing disposibles. It was recommend to try cloth nappies as they were bigger. A nappy rep came to us, and fitted her out in some lovely cloth nappies. We never looked back.

    By the time I had my 3rd daughter, I had learnt that sometimes its best to listen to our own instincts rather than that of a ‘professional’. As my husband was in hospital, I co-slept with her till she was 18months old. I breast fed her til age 2. She was in cloth nappies pretty much from birth. We did BLW. I wore her a bit in a sling but not all the time.

    4th daughter, I am def following my instincts this time. Soph wanted to be held, so I did. I walked home from town, many times, with Soph in arms, and an empty buggy. When she was 4months old, I caved and bought a decent mei tai. Then borrowed a wrap. And am now highly addicted to long lengths of material lol. I feel more in tune with her than the others and i think by following my instints and her cues we are a lot happier. We still breastfeed, but thats mainly to do with her allergies than anything else, use cloth nappies, blw and co-sleep.

  • 10. Coding Mamma (Tasha)`  |  March 26, 2010 at 11:12 am

    We babywear (Kari-Me stretchy wrap at the moment, but will have to move onto something else soon), though do also have and use a buggy – different situations for different methods.

    We co-sleep when we need to, but they both have their own cots/beds. Rosemary (3.5-year-old) often comes in for an hour or so in the morning. Eleanor (5.5-month-old) rarely sleeps with us these days as she has a very quick feed then straight back down in her cot with no complaints. But she slept with us a lot in her first few months, as did Rosemary.

    I breastfed Rosemary till she was just over two. She cut out her final one feed a day when she cut out her nap (fed to sleep at naptime still!).

    We did BLW with Rosemary and are doing it again with Eleanor. Absolutely love it. I honestly don’t understand why people would do purees, but that’s because I’ve only ever done BLW, I suppose.

    We don’t use reusable nappies, and I feel very guilty about it, but I honestly can’t keep up with the normal amount of washing, so don’t see how I could add another couple of loads a week in there.

    We don’t drive and do a lot of our shopping locally. We cook all our meals ourselves. We’re absolutely pro vaccination. We’re not overly bothered about organic food, but do prefer the taste. We recycle, but haven’t gotten around to composting.

    I’m vegetarian, but my husband isn’t. The girls are not being brought up vegetarian, but when they ask we answer questions honestly – i.e. recently Rosemary asked me ‘Why can we eat chickens? Because they have to die, don’t they?’ and I told her that was why I didn’t eat chicken or other meat, but that plenty of people are happy to, and it’s a personal decision.

    I was home-schooled for a bit, but Rosemary will be starting school in September. She’s very much suited to school – at the moment, at least. But we both work from home and would completely consider home-schooling if it were right for the child. (And other educational options, too.)

    I come from hippy stock and my husband comes from a fairly traditional family. We sort of meet in the middle a bit. I’d probably be a bit more hippy if it weren’t for Chris and he’d probably be a bit more ‘straight’ if it weren’t for me. Personally, I think that should give us nicely rounded children!

    Also, I’m fascinated by baby and child development and languate acquisition and the like. So I talk about it a lot. It’s not in a competitive way, and I really dislike it when my mum compares Rosemary to my cousin’s son, wondering why he wasn’t speaking yet and so on. Everyone develops at a different rate. But if someone heard me talking about it, they might think I was a competitive mum!

    We don’t hothouse Rosemary, but we encourage her interests and go further than some people might, I think. She understands and can speak a bit of French and Spanish. She recognises a lot of letters, though can’t actually read yet. She can count up to 20 and do simple adding and taking away. None of this has been forced on her, but when she shows an interest in numbers or letters, for example, we spend time sitting down and going through it with her, as long as she is interested.

    Blimey. That was a blog post in itself, wasn’t it? As were all the other comments!

  • 11. Christy  |  March 26, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    I’m a cloth diapering, babywearing, extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, homemade babyfood making Mama and very proud of it.

    I had a Moby when Lily was first born but didn’t care for it so I just carried her everywhere. Now I have a Mei tai, Ergo and ringsling and love them all. I use the Ergo and ringsling daily.

    Breastfeeding was a struggle for us in the beginning and we had to give Lily a little formula so she’d gain weight but we gave up the formula a few months ago and she is still nursing 6 or more times a day at 15 months.

    Lily has required being close to me since the minute they put her in my arms. I hadn’t planned on co-sleeping but did plan on her sleeping in our room, well that changed once I met my baby girl. She has slept next to me everyday of her life and we love it.

    We have been cloth diapering since Lily was about 5 months old. I had the cloth diapers since before she was born but she was a little premature and didn’t fit the CDs till she got over 10 pounds. I love cloth diapering, it’s easy and super cute.

    We fed Lily homemade rice cereal on her 6 month birthday but I didn’t feel she was really ready to start solids. So I waited till she was 7-ish months old and made all of her purees. I didn’t know much about BLW till a few months ago. When Lily hit about 10 months I started giving her all finger foods and she loved it so much we stopped all purees.

    I really want to try the amber necklaces but haven’t gotten around to ordering them yet.

    I have a post bouncing around in my head that needs to get out about how people can be so judgmental about us crunchy type parents. It’s really too bad.

  • 12. Emilie  |  March 26, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    Hey, A!
    I want to weigh in here too. I’m a big sister to 4 (now full grown) people and I had a hand in raising the younger 2 which has given me time to think about these issues more than most.
    I don’t know if I’m able to have children naturally (medical blah) but I want kids one way or another. I think until I faced up to my likely infertility I was hostile to a lot of parents especially cosleepers, attachment parenting, and some of the more ‘alternative’ (though they are really fairly mainstream now) parenting methods.
    I was also hostile to public breastfeeding. But when I was able to fave up to my reasons for feeling that way I became a lot more flexible.
    People need to choose what’s best for them and for their baby and I firmlu believe that most parents know what works for their babies.
    I’m now a very staunch supporter of breastfeeding (including and even especially in public) and I’m definitely considering baby led weaning.
    I plan on using cloth diapers but I’m not going to kill myself if I can’t do it for some reason. And I like the idea of cosleeping. Both my youngest siblings really needed that contact and support at night. My brother until he was 4 or so and my youngest sister until she was about 8 or 9. I took on the bulk of care for my youngest sister because my mum was ill and not able to properly commit physically or emotionally. I think this contributed to my sister needing that extra support and physical closeness for so long.
    I was glad when I got my bed back of course but I was pleased that I did what was right for her.
    I like the idea of baby led weaning a lot too. I like the way it allows the child to tell you when he/she is ready and what they’re ready for.
    I want my kids to grow up happy, healthy, secure, confident, strong, creative. Pretty much exactly what you want for Coco and Snort. I think that baby led weaning and to the same extent attachment parenting (though I’m not sure I’ll go down that road) give your baby a certain amount of autonomy and let them choose their own pace and their own path. This is something we as a society value in adults and I think instilling those values in your children as early as possible is important. I think children need respect as much as adults do and baby-led weaning, potty training, etc. gives them that to a certain extent.

    And whenever and however I am blessed with a child be it naturally, via IVF or fertility treatment or through adoption you’d better believe that I am definitely going to be wearing that baby!

  • 13. Jen(theremotejen)  |  March 27, 2010 at 1:37 am

    We check off the babywearing, cloth diapering, organic baby feeding, non-circing boxes. We coslept while there was still room in our bed–not so much anymore! We base our parenting off natural and attachment parenting principles.
    I tried breastfeeding but due to their prematurity only managed to feed them part-time for 5 months.
    Those amber teething necklaces–i think they’re probably crap–doesn’t mean I didn’t look at them when Lyra and Ethan seemed miserable. I don’t want to participate in the parenting competitions, especially when we consider that L&E will be looking like they’re 3 months+ behind–but I think we all do it anyways. And that’s ok, as long as we don’t let it take control of how we parent.

  • 14. Joni Rae  |  March 27, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    I think my twitter profile best shows the boxes I tick: “I’m a homeschoolin, babywearin, cosleepin, breastfeedin, clothdiaperin, kitchen witchy momma”


  • 15. H  |  March 28, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    Great website!

    I love wearing my little girl and as for the other ‘boxes’, well I must admit I sit on the fence a lot of the time.

    I use cloth nappies all day but disposables at night, I sometimes take my stroller instead of wearing my girl, we are going down the BLW route 100% but have never coslept (too nervous!)

    I am however a full time BFer. And I wouldn’t change it for the world :o)

    • 16. H  |  March 28, 2010 at 3:39 pm

      Oh, and I tried the amber teething necklaces with no luck

  • […] 29, 2010 So, two posts ago, I asked what kind of parent you were and what choices you were making. Much more interesting to me […]

  • 18. Christy  |  March 29, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    I didn’t think to add that we are not vaccinating our daughter.


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